Burnout

I’m trying to emerge from one of the worst burnouts that I can remember.

It happens. It’s the nature of the business I’m in… and I think it’s also the nature of me.

I try to live a balanced life, but by the time I figure out how to balance things, there’s something new in the mix that imbalances everything. And I have enough drive and dedication to things that sometimes I push too much, and it’s… well… too much.

I think to some extent I just have to accept that this is me and how I run. It does better sometimes to go with the flow instead of fighting the current.

It finally came to a head a couple weeks ago. I just cracked. Was really short-fused and couldn’t focus on anything. No motivation for work or other stuff. I made a long Labor Day weekend, taking 5 days to do nothing. And while I did some stuff, the main focus was on sleeping and eating. I slept a lot. Heck, I woke up on Sunday after about 9 hours of sleep, ate breakfast, then went back to bed for another 2 hours. I then took another nap later in the day. Yes, everything was shot. In fact, I think if I could take another week off of “life” I’d come out in really good shape.

As it is, I feel a lot better. And one thing that is most significant that I didn’t realize was an issue? I don’t feel stiff and creeky. I figured it was just being beat up from the weights. I do think it was that, but it was… silly. Trying to just kneel down then get back up? It was a chore. OK so squatting 295×2 isn’t huge numbers, but if I can squat more than my bodyweight, why is it difficult to kneel down and get back up? I guess because I was so shot. After all this time resting, I don’t feel stiff and creeky any more. I can just squat down, kneel down, get up, and it’s no problem.

Crazy.

But it taught me a lot, and gave me a lot of signs to look for in the future. Catch it before it gets bad, because a lot of these signs are new signs.

Sleep is key. I need more of it.

But food is another.

Trying to diet down, seeing how it hurt me, running counter to my true goals. I also believe the restriction on food contributed to things because I didn’t have what I needed to build myself back up. I’ve learned over the years to listen to my body. Sometimes I’ll get a massive craving for something, like fruit. Listen to it. Eat until body says that’s enough. and it’s never really a want to pig out and gorge. There’s a limit and eventually the body says it’s good.

As much as I hate to keep the belly flab, I think I need to just keep eating more. It makes sense. But I do think along with listening to my body more, I can do things to be cleaner and, if I stick to things more long-term, it should work out alright for me. I’ll get there, but it will take time.. perhaps a lot of time.

I’m going to eat well, 250g of protein a day I think is minimal, don’t sweat the fat (tho don’t be stupid about it), and moderate the carbs. For example, if I have a piece of whole fruit with breakfast, fine. But that’s probably all I need. If I can have a carbless lunch, great. Then if Wife makes something for dinner that has some carbs in it (e.g. rice), just roll with it. If I have a scoop of ice cream before bed, fine, just don’t do it every night. I think all the “artificial” program following I’ve done has been good because it’s taught me a lot and shown me a lot; learned a lot about my body. I’m finding my groove, and right now, it’s a shit-ton of protein and moderate everything else… where my body is nourished to the level it needs, and it will tell me.

So, to anyone I’ve ignored or snapped at in the past some weeks (or months), I apologize. I let a lot fall by the wayside because I was burned out but had to keep chugging on key things (e.g. day job). I was tapped out and didn’t see the signs, because a lot of them are new ones. There are no excuses, just asking your forgiveness and thanking you for your patience.